Listening Skills for Parents

Nothing can be as frustrating as trying to help your child with a project, like a science fair project, and feel like your child isn't listening to anything you are saying! Both of us have had our share of trying to help our kids with something they were doing and feeling like we're not communicating with them at all. Something was missing and we didn't find out until much later that that missing "something" usually was our ability to listen. Here are some ideas to help you communicate better with your child so that both your and your child's experiences during science fair time are positive ones:

1. Create a favorable listening environment for helping your child to plan the science fair project.

   Too often we try to communicate with our children about something like planning a science fair project when there are far too many distractions. Both parent and child can get frustrated if the television is blaring, several conversations are going on at once, phones ringing and interruptions galore.

   We suggest that in order to truly make this planning time a good experience, find a quiet place where you can look at one another and actually focus on the task at hand. If your home is too chaotic, visit your public library for some peace and quiet.

2. Be patient.

   Listen to your child's ideas and set aside your own while your are listening. Remember, your child might have some good ideas but may have a difficult time in finding the right word to explain a point or a concept. Give your child time to get it out before you jump in with your ideas and reply. Be slow to disagree, criticize, or argue about their ideas. Even if you disagree, let them explain their ideas and truly listen to them. Find something in them to agree with. If you interrupt and belittle your child's ideas, you do nothing more than drive a wedge between the two of you and may contribute to low self-esteem issues.

3. Be mindful of your body language and non-verbal communication.

   What you do with your eyes, face, hands, legs and posture will send out signals as to whether you are or are not listening when your child talks about his/her project. If you are easily distracted, frowning, yawning, arms crossed, slumped in your chair, you are sending your child the message that this project and they aren't important to you. Your child is undoubtedly very important to you so act as if that is true.

4. Ask questions about your child's ideas and their project as it progresses.

   Questions show that you are interested in what your child is saying and doing. If you ask good questions, it can help your child learn how to respond in an understandable, focused way. When someone, especially your parent, is interested enough to ask intelligent questions, it certainly is a confidence-builder in a lot of different ways.

5. Don't judge--leave that to the science fair judges.

   So often parents judge their child's ideas and later their execution of those ideas without truly listening with an open mind and heart. Remember, this is not your science fair. It's your child's experience and you are a resource person for your child. Help when you are asked, gently make suggestions if the situation calls for it but do not insist on your ideas and your way of doing whatever it is your child chooses to do.

   A science fair project is a great way for your child to learn new skills and to broaden their interests. It's also a great opportunity for you to show that you care and respect your child by using some simple listening skills.

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